FREAK OF THE WEEK: Alaska Gov.-for-not-that-much-longer Sarah Palin

This week, the FredBlog shines its freaklight once again on Sarah Palin, this time for her rambling press conference during which she announced that she will not only refrain from running for re-election, but will leave office by the end of the month.

First, let’s look at the timing of the press conference – Friday afternoon on July 3 (late afternoon on the East Coast). Not only is Friday afternoon the usual dumping ground for releasing information you don’t want people paying attention to, but this was the day before the July 4 holiday – and a day that many people had off anyway.

So it would seem that Palin wanted to leave office without anyone noticing. What, did she think no one would wonder what happened once she left? Was she planning on just disappearing like South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford?

Speaking of Sanford, did Palin take press conference tips from him? Just like Sanford’s public freakiness when he admitted to his Argentinean love affair, Palin’s speech was – as described by CBS News – “rambling and sometimes confusing.” (Just like Palin herself.)

We the listening and viewing public had to hear about the history of Alaska, a long list of her administration’s “accomplishments,” her time since being tapped by John McCain as his running mate and a metaphor about fishing before we ever heard Palin say the words, “I will not seek re-election as governor.” (There was also a basketball analogy, but that came later, as did her final line quoting General MacArthur. She’s so folksy, ya know? You betcha!)

In deciding to step down on July 26, Palin said she did not want to be a “lame duck.” She said, “I thought about how much fun some governors have as lame ducks, ... travel around the state, to the Lower 48, overseas on international trade, as so many politicians do. And then I thought, that's what's wrong. Many just accept that lame duck status, hit the road, draw the paycheck, and milk it. I'm not putting Alaska through that. I promised efficiencies and effectiveness!”

I’ll leave it up to Alaskans to decide whether or not it’s a good thing Palin is leaving early, but this lame duck stuff makes no sense. Using her logic, George W. Bush should have left office as soon as he was elected to a second term because he was a lame duck. Ronald Reagan should have resigned as well. Actually, yes, we all would have been better off if they left office early, but does Palin really think Reagan and Dubya were inefficient and ineffective just because they served out their second terms as lame ducks?

Palin, per usual, makes so little sense that she might as well be speaking in tongues. For months, she has sounded like she is making it up as she goes along.

For those who are left scratching your head, Palin said, “All I can ask is that you trust me with this decision.” Oh, like you asked McCain to trust that you would be an intelligent running mate?

EXTREME RIGHT-WING FREAKINESS

For those who are unaware of the Rev. Fred Phelps and his Kansas-based Westboro Baptist Church, just check out their most prominent website, www.godhatesfags.com. These people are truly sick.

Phelps and his clan began making headlines in 1998, when they picketed the funeral of Matthew Shepard, the gay University of Wyoming student who was murdered. Their pickets spread from there, targeting almost anyone and anything that does not spread their message of hate – including such “pro-gay liberals” as Jerry Falwell and Billy Graham as well as the funerals of military personnel killed in Iraq. (Why the military? Because, as they would put it, God hates America, because America loves fags.)

The church’s latest freakiness is its plan to picket the public memorial service for Michael Jackson slated for Tuesday, July 7, at the Staples Center in L.A.

Here’s the announcement from the church’s website: “Michael 'Wacko Jacko' Jackson is in hell! [Westboro Baptist Church] will be there to remind you to stop worshiping the dead. We will be there to tell you to Thank God for the death of this filthy, adulterous, idolatrous, gender-confused, nationality-confused, unthankful brute beast. We will be there to remind you that God Killed Wacko Jacko. There is a God, and a Day of Judgment. For you to wallow and murmur against God for his righteous Judgments is sin and will cause YOU to join Michael in hell."

To call them freaks is too kind.

FREAK OF THE MID-WEEK: South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, again!

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford is the freakgift that keeps on giving. So, for the second week in a row, the newly dubbed “Love Guv” is the FredBlog’s heretofore unheard of Freak of the Mid-Week.

By now, we all know how Sanford disappeared for almost a week and lied about where he was in order to visit his mistress in Argentina. And then came the rambling and bizarre mea culpa press conference during which he fessed up to his lyin’, cheatin’ ways.

The problem now is that Sanford just won’t shut up!

Earlier this week, over two days of “emotional interviews” with the Associated Press, Sanford couldn’t help himself but give details that should have been left in a folder marked TMI.

Here are some highlights:

Sanford calls Maria Belen Chapur – the other woman – his “soul mate.”

He says he “crossed the lines” with other women during his 20-year marriage, but it never went as far as it has with Chapur. As he put it, “There were a handful of instances wherein I crossed the lines I shouldn’t have crossed as a married man, but never crossed the ultimate line.” (That’s a euphemism in the making, as in, “So how was your date last night? Did you cross the ultimate line?”)

He tells the AP that his casual encounters with other women happened during trips outside the country to “blow off steam” with male friends. (So he’s been blowing off with MALE friends, too?!)

He went on: “What I would say is that I’ve never had sex with another woman. Have I done stupid? I have. You know you meet someone. You dance with them. You go to a place where you probably shouldn’t have gone.” (I love that he says, “Have I done stupid?” Yep, y’all gone and done stupid!)

Is he done? No way: “If you’re a married guy at the end of the day, you shouldn’t be dancing with somebody else. So anyway, without wandering into that field, we’ll just say that I let my guard down in all senses of the word without ever crossing the line that I crossed with this situation.” (Another euphemism: “So, you wander into that field lately?”)

He goes on to insist his relationship with Chapur is more than sex. “This was a whole lot more than a simple affair, this was a love story. A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day.” (Sounds like a Lifetime original movie.)

He says he is trying to fall back in love with his wife. “I owe it too much to my boys and to the last 20 years with Jenny to not try this larger walk of faith.”

Some are calling on Sanford to resign or be impeached. Personally, I don’t really care if he stays in office – although his disappearing act doesn’t instill confidence. But here’s a piece of political advice that this freaky governor should heed: Stop talking!

FREAK OF THE WEEK: Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney

This week, the FredBlog shines its freaklight on Mitt Romney, the former Republican presidential candidate who is able – in a single rhetorical flourish – to turn South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford’s infidelity into an attack on same-sex couples.

On the heels of Sanford’s now-infamous Argentinean disappearing act, many talking heads are opining on whether or not the Republican Party can still call itself the “family values” party without people laughing.

While many GOPers are clinging to the “family values” myth, Romney just couldn’t help himself and took it all one step too far. On NBC’s “Meet The Press,” Romney told moderator David Gregory:

“I don't think there's any question but that we aspire to the highest standards of ethical conduct and that we aspire to values that'll make America stronger. There's no question. But the best thing you can do for raising a child is to have a mom and dad love each other in a home. And to say that and to say we want to see marriage between men and women, that we want to see families raised with the benefit of people who are married, that's a very important part of our culture.”

Wait a minute. A bunch of self-righteous Republicans reveal that they cheated on their wives, therefore GAYS shouldn’t be allowed to marry?!?!?

But it gets worse. Romney continued:

“It's part of what our party believes. We believe in life.”

What? These same self-righteous Republicans talk about their infidelity, therefore women shouldn’t have reproductive freedom?!?!?

Then he couldn’t help but return to his anti-gay conclusion:

“I'd rather be talking about the truth and indicating that sometimes people fall short than not saying what's true. And what is true is that America is a stronger nation if we have a culture that includes the creation of families with moms and dads and marriage and sacrifice for the next generation.”

All this comes from the flip-flopper who once called himself pro-choice and who, when challenging Sen. Edward Kennedy back in 1994, said he would be more pro-gay than Kennedy – one of the most liberal liberals in the U.S. Senate!

Romney is nothing but a disingenuous hypocrite who will say anything for political gain.

Need further proof? Gregory also asked Romney if he was considering running for president again in 2012. Romney’s response? “Well, that's way beyond my horizon at this point, to think about what's going to happen in 2012.”

Well Mitt, no one’s buying that!

FREAK OF THE MID-WEEK: South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford

Usually, the FredBlog presents its Freak of the Week on Sunday. But freakiness knows no timelines. Therefore, the FredBlog presents its first-ever Freak of the Mid-Week.

On this special occasion, the FredBlog shines its freaklight on Mark Sanford, yet one more Republican “family values” hypocrite to reveal that he’s cheated on his wife. (What, did he get jealous of the press coverage John Ensign was getting?)

Not only did he admit to the affair, but Sanford also disappeared – yes, disappeared – for almost a week. No one knew where he was. He didn’t tell anyone he was leaving. He just up and left.

Let’s address the hypocrisy first. Sanford is your standard “pro-family” social conservative who, whaddya know, was a big critic of Bill Clinton’s during the Monica Lewinsky affair.

At the time, Sanford called Clinton’s affair and the subsequent cover up "very damaging stuff.” He then noted, "I think it would be much better for the country and for him personally [to resign] ... I come from the business side. If you had a chairman or president in the business world facing these allegations, he'd be gone."

So will Sanford follow his own advice and resign? Of course not – it’s not the Republican “family values” way.

Sanford also told CNN back in the ‘90s: "The issue of lying is probably the biggest harm, if you will, to the system of democratic government, representatives government, because it undermines trust. And if you undermine trust in our system, you undermine everything."

And Sanford’s lies were doozies. But he seems less concerned about his own attacks on democracy. Special rights for one’s own indiscretions – that’s the Republican “family values” way.

That brings us to Sanford’s disappearing act based on lies and deception. For a full account, see http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/06/the_missing_governor_a_timeline.php. But here are some highlights:

* Last week, state officials realize Sanford is missing and unreachable.

* The governor’s office issues a statement that Sanford is in a secret undisclosed location in order to recover from a brutal legislative session.

* The governor’s office later says Sanford is hiking on the Appalachian Trail. This, of course, means spending time away from his family over Father’s Day weekend as well as hiking on National Naked Hiking Day (really, it was Sunday).

* The governor’s office issues yet another statement saying Sanford has contacted his office and says he is surprised that his disappearance has caused so much reaction. (He really thought people wouldn’t wonder where he went?)

* Once reappearing at Atlanta’s airport, he said that he considered the Appalachian hike, but instead went to Argentina to experience something more “exotic.” He also said he spent his time alone.

* At a Wednesday press conference, he said he was in Buenos Aires with his mistress. He cried, too, but don’t cry for him, Argentina.

Perhaps the worst part of the whole thing is that he never took the necessary steps to ensure that Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer would act as governor in his absence. So in essence, while Sanford was doing his disappearing Evita act, NO ONE WAS RUNNING SOUTH CAROLINA.

And to think, this guy wanted to run for president in 2012. Then again, does the GOP have much better to offer?

FREAKINESS THROUGH SEXTING

Like the cherry on the sundae, the topper of this scandal is the swath of emails traded between Sanford and his lady friend, who goes only by Maria. To read them all, go to http://www.thestate.com/sanford/story/839350.html

But here’s one highlight from Sanford: “I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of night’s light — but hey, that would be going into the sexual details we spoke of at the steakhouse at dinner — and unlike you I would never do that!”

Sexual details at the steakhouse? That Sanford is a class act.

Jindal the Louisiana loser

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal is showing himself to be an ideological demagogue who is more interested in playing partisan politics with his state’s economic future than helping the residents of his state.

As if his pathetic Republican response to President Barack Obama’s address the other night wasn’t bad enough, Jindal has said that he will refuse some federal economic stimulus money – funds his state and its residents desperately need.

Worse yet, he is not the only Republican governor who is saying no to Obama’s big stimulus package. Joining Jindal are South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford and Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour.

So why are the governors of these relatively poor states refusing federal money? Well, even though they are denying it, they are all thinking of running for president in 2012. In fact, there are no higher-profile potential Republican contenders than Sarah Palin and Jindal.

In order to run for president as a Republican, you have to have the archconservative right wing of the GOP on your side (John McCain learned that a while back). And the Rush Limbaughs and Sean Hannitys of the world see Obama’s economic stimulus – regardless of how popular it is – as a political demon.

So Jindal had a choice to make – take the money to help his state OR refuse the money and help his own political ambition. What a surprise that he chose the latter.

But for Jindal, refusing the money wasn’t enough. He also has to go around lying about what exactly is in the economic stimulus bill. During his Republican response Tuesday night, for example, Jindal said the stimulus bill includes “$8 billion for high-speed rail projects, such as a magnetic levitation line from Las Vegas to Disneyland, and $140 million for something called ‘volcano monitoring.’”

First of all, there is nothing at all in the stimulus bill about any high-speed rail project, “magnetic levitation” or otherwise, from Las Vegas to Disneyland. Secondly, why is Jindal dissing what he calls “volcano monitoring”? He said, “Instead of monitoring volcanoes, what Congress should be monitoring is the eruption of spending in Washington, D.C.” Actually, the federal government should be monitoring volcanoes to prevent deaths and ensure that the government is ready to respond to a natural disaster. Does Jindal not remember Hurricane Katrina, a natural disaster that destroyed parts of New Orleans in his own backyard?

Oh wait, he does remember Hurricane Katrina. In his speech Tuesday, he said, “Today in Washington, some are promising that government will rescue us from the economic storms raging all around us. Those of us who lived through Hurricane Katrina, we have our doubts.” So Jindal is pointing to the disastrous response of fellow Republican George W. Bush as an example of why the federal government should just give up on keeping Americans safe.

Interestingly, while Jindal goes around damning the stimulus package and making a big deal about refusing funds, he is indeed silently taking some of the stimulus money. Funny that he’s not making an equally big deal about that.

To their credit, Republican Govs. Arnold Schwarzenegger of California and Charlie Crist of Florida have said that they are willing to take whatever money Jindal and his ilk are refusing.

I say, give Crist and the Guvernator all of Jindal’s stimulus funds. Yes, Jindal’s state will be hurt by his dogmatic stupidity, but then hopefully Louisiana voters will wise up and throw him out of office as soon as possible.