FREAKS OF THE WEEKS: Sarah Palin, Beer Summit-ers and senators against mermaids

The FredBlog is back from vacation – hey, even a blog deserves some rest and relaxation – and the freaks have been piling up. So let’s shine that freaklight where it is most needed.

Now-former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin

In her resignation speech at the end of last month, Palin’s freakiness was on full display, but here are some of the FredBlog’s favorite passages:

·     “In the wintertime, … the cold though, doesn’t it split the Cheechakos from the Sourdoughs?” (How about splitting the Pumpernickels from the Sourdoughs?)

·     “Our new governor has a very nice family too, so leave his kids alone.” (Thanks, Sarah, for putting the new gov’s kids in the spotlight as well.)

·     “Hollywood needs to know, we eat, therefore we hunt.” (Yeah, ‘cuz no one gets their food from a supermarket anymore.)

·     “Democracy depends on you [the media], that’s why our troops are willing to do for you. So, how ‘bout in honor of the American soldier, ya quit makin’ things up.” (Um, what!??!?!)

Vice President Joe Biden

He wasn’t supposed to be part of the so-called Beer Summit planned for President Barack Obama, Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and Cambridge, Mass., police Sgt. James Crowley. But Biden, who just happened to be in the neighborhood, managed to take part anyway. (Is beer the reason Biden keeps putting his foot in his mouth?)

Obama, Gates and Crowley

The Beer Summit was supposed to be part of a “teachable moment” about racism. In the end, it was a mere photo op – we couldn’t even hear what they were saying. It was just pretty pictures to make Obama et al look like they are doing something proactive.

Sens. Sam Brownback and Mary Landrieu

The Kansas Republican and Louisiana Democrat came together to introduce a bill to prohibit the creation of human-animal hybrids, including – yes – mermaids. (They obviously didn’t like the movie “Splash.”) Good thing they are working on such burning issues as mermaids and mermen instead of things like the economy, health care and the job market.

Congressman Todd Tiahart

The Kansas Republican, as part of his anti-abortion rhetoric, ruminated on the House floor what life would be like if President Obama’s mother had had an abortion. Now that’s classy.

Tennessee state Sen. Paul Stanley

Believe it or not, another anti-gay socially conservative Republican has been caught having an extramarital affair. Stanley finally admitted not only to having the affair with an intern, but also taking explicit photos of her. Stanley – who recently introduced a bill to bar unmarried couples, both gay and straight, from adopting children – has since resigned.

Conservative Party of Canada

At the last minute, the ruling Conservatives denied $155,000 in federal economic-stimulus funding to Divers/Cité, the group behind one of Montreal’s gay pride festivals, forcing the cancellation of a number of high-profile events. This move came soon after a similar decision was made regarding Pride Toronto, all because the federal tourism minister had her picture taken with drag queens. The Conservatives just need to grow up.

New Democratic Party of Canada

The far-left party is considering dropping the “new” and changing its name to the Democratic Party of Canada. That’s all well and good, except something gets lost in translation. You see, in French – Canada’s other official language – Democratic Party translates as “Parti démocrate,” making its initials PD. However, PD sounds like “pédé,” which is a slang term for gays in French. Best to stick with the name as it is. 

FREAK OF THE WEEK: Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher

This week, the FredBlog shines its freaklight on Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher, who is neither a plumber nor named Joe, but IS sure how he feels about the “queers.”

Wurzelbacher made a name for himself during last year’s presidential campaign after John McCain and Sarah Palin began using him as a symbol of the average American. Because, you know, the average American has a publicist, a book deal, a record deal, AND a gig as a pseudo-journalist in the Middle East.

But his freakiness hit a new high – or low – this past week when he gave an interview with Christianity Today magazine.

Showing where the social conservative movement is still oddly focused, the second question the magazine put to Wurzelbacher was about marriage equality for same-sex couples. The magazine asked, “In the last month, same-sex marriage has become legal in Iowa and Vermont. What do you think about same-sex marriage at a state level?”

His answer: “At a state level, it's up to them. I don't want it to be a federal thing. I personally still think it's wrong. People don't understand the dictionary – it's called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It's not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we're supposed to do – what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we're supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I've had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn't have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they're people, and they're going to do their thing” (http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/mayweb-only/118-13.0.html).

OK, fine. You want to think that being gay is wrong, go right ahead. But at least know what you are talking about if you are going to try to make some sort of point.

In fact, God is NOT explicit about, as you put it, “what man and woman are for.” Please point to any explicit statement by God that says that civil societies should treat gay and lesbian people like second-class citizens.

And if you think you are going to point to anything in the bible for proof of God’s word, then I’m sure you also never wear clothing of mixed fabrics, you approve of slavery, you support the death penalty for adulterers, and you “give to everyone who asks of you.” After all, those rules ARE explicitly stated in the bible.

And some of your best friends are gay. But you won’t let your children near any “queers”? Given all the people your children come into contact with over the course of a day, do you spot check all of them just to make sure your kids don’t catch the gay? (And are these people REALLY friends of yours? If so, I’m not sure why.)

Lastly, you are right, Mr. Wurzelbacher, the word “queer,” in its purest form, means strange and unusual. But what planet do you live on that you don’t know that the word “queer” is used as a slur? You love saying how liberals and Democrats are out of touch – but you have just shown how you and your ilk are the ones who are truly out of touch with reality. Walk into any high school and you tell me how “queer” is not used as a slur.

But if you insist that “queer” is merely a harmless word meaning strange and unusual, then you, Mr. Wurzelbacher, are the queerest of them all.

MORE CONSERVATIVE FREAKINESS

I can’t put it any better than the lead paragraph in a story from The Canadian Press news service: “The United States is in the midst of a devastating recession, mired in two overseas wars and grappling with a swine flu outbreak, but conservative critics are assailing President Barack Obama on another pressing issue: his choice of burger topping” (http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/631019).

The latest manufactured controversy even has a name – Dijongate.

You may have seen the video footage this past week of Obama and Vice President Joe Biden going out for a burger at a Washington, D.C., fast-food joint.

One could argue that this was a pointless photo-op. But instead, conservatives are taking offense at Obama’s choice of Dijon mustard as his condiment of choice, calling putting mustard on a burger un-American.

Fox News Channel loudmouth Sean Hannity not only refers to Obama’s lunch as a “fancy burger,” but also alleges that rival network MSNBC purposefully edited out Obama’s Dijon choice in order to save the president from seeming too effete. (Yeah, all MSNBC has to worry about is Obama’s condiments!)

William Jacobson, a conservative blogger, also wrote that Obama’s Dijon ways have “a very John Kerry-ish quality about it.”

Wow, this is desperate stuff. You want to go after Obama for his economic policy? Go ahead. His bailout plan? Be my guest. His ideas on healthcare? You have that right. But his penchant for mustard? Pathetic.

And some wonder why the Republican Party is in such a pickle.

FREAK OF THE WEEK: Vice President Joe Biden

This week, the FredBlog shines its freaklight on U.S. Vice President Joe Biden, who demonstrated that swine flu can lead to foot-in-mouth disease.

I’ve been hearing from readers who are concerned that too many Freaks of the Week are Republican and/or Conservative. Well, rest assured that the FredBlog does not discriminate. A freak is a freak regardless of ideology or political party.

That brings us to Vice President Biden, who has a history of saying the most stupid thing ever. This past week, he did not disappoint.

While being interviewed on NBC’s “Today” show, Biden raised the swine flu alert to red. In a fit of swine flu madness, Biden said, “I would tell members of my family – and I have – I wouldn’t go anywhere in confined places now. It’s not that it’s going to Mexico in a confined aircraft where one person sneezes, that goes all the way through the aircraft. That’s me.”

As if that weren’t bad enough – grammatically and otherwise – he continued: “I would not be, at this point, if they had another way of transportation, suggesting they ride the subway. From my perspective, this relates to mitigation. If you’re out in the middle of the field and someone sneezes, that’s one thing. If you’re in a closed aircraft, a closed container, a closed car, a closed classroom, that’s another thing.”

That’s right, folks. Listen to your vice president and DON’T take the subway – even if you live in a big city with no car and use the subway to go everywhere, including work. Better to go without a paycheck than have someone at the other end of the train sneeze.

Oh, and – according to Mr. Biden – don’t send your kids to school, either. All those “closed classrooms” can be tricky to navigate. And it’s a good thing Biden said something because parents had NO IDEA that their kids could catch something from other kids at school.

Can we please get some perspective here? The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta has confirmed about 135 cases of swine flu in 18 U.S. states – and most of the cases have been mild. The World Health Organization estimates about 800 cases globally, most of them in Mexico.

Now let’s look at the normal regular everyday flu. Again according to the CDC, every year approximately 5 percent to 20 percent of U.S. residents get the flu, and more than 200,000 people are hospitalized for flu-related complications. About 36,000 Americans die on average each year from the complications of flu.

So, Mr. Biden, can we please stop the fear mongering?

Of course, politics being politics, various members of the Obama administration went on the air to tell the American people what Biden MEANT to say.

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said, “I think … what the vice president meant to say was the same thing that again, many members have said in the last few days, that is, if you feel sick, if you are exhibiting flu-like symptoms – coughing, sneezing, runny nose – that you should take precautions, that you should limit your travel. … I’m telling you what he meant to say.”

Reporters laughed, with good reason.

That didn’t work, so the administration brought out a bigger gun – Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano (no stranger to freakiness herself). She said, “I think the vice president, if he had, if he could say that over again, he would say if they’re feeling sick they should stay off public transit or confined spaces because that is indeed the advice that we’re giving.”

That’s all well and good, Ms. Napolitano. But that’s not what Biden said. In fact, he specifically said in that interview that he was not talking for the administration, but for himself and his family. So all of this handwringing doesn’t take away from the fact that the vice president speaks before he thinks.

MORE SWINE FLU FREAKINESS

While I’m on the subject, another freak move this past week was the decision of some organizations and governments to change the name of “swine flu” to “Mexican flu.”

One of the reasons for the change was that pork producers were offended that the name unfairly targets their products. Still others – like the Israeli government – changed the name because any reference to pigs is offensive to both religious Jews and Muslims.

So we don’t want to offend the pigs and the religious, but it’s fine to call it “MEXICAN flu”? I guess it’s OK to offend Mexicans.

Also, pork producers want to make it clear that you cannot get swine flu from eating swine. But can you get Mexican flu from eating a Mexican? No one is saying.

Badly burying Burris

Senate Democrats should be ashamed of themselves, and Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada is the shamer-in-chief.

On the day of the Senate’s swearing-in ceremony – celebrating Senate wins in red states like Alaska and North Carolina – Reid and his cronies turned their backs on Roland Burris, the man legally appointed to sit in the seat held until recently by President-elect Barack Obama.

I have already laid out why Burris is a good choice, but right now, that’s irrelevant. What matters is that the appointment of Burris is 100 percent legal. As Burris himself stated, his only crime is being appointed by embattled Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich.

Reid’s excuse for not seating Burris is that Illinois Secretary of State Jesse White has not signed off on the appointment. While it is true that White has not certified the appointment, that’s a red herring. The Illinois secretary of state does not have the legal power to block a gubernatorial appointment.

As Burris told CBS News: “As I read the U.S. Constitution, [the] governor shall fill a vacancy, and as a former attorney general of my state, I have no knowledge of where a secretary of state has veto power over a governor carrying out his constitutional duties.”

Oddly enough, Democrats don’t have a problem with Blagojevich’s power to order a special election to fill the seat held by Chicago Congressman Rahm Emmanuel, soon to be Obama’s chief of staff. To argue that Blagojevich can legally carry out his gubernatorial responsibilities regarding Emmanuel’s seat, but not do the same for Obama’s seat, is inconsistent, disingenuous, and dishonest.

Even Sen. Dianne Feinstein, the powerful California Democrat, has reportedly said that Senate Democrats do not have a legal leg to stand on regarding Burris. "Does the governor have the power, under law, to make the appointment? And the answer is yes," Feinstein told Fox News. "If you don't seat Mr. Burris, it has ramifications for gubernatorial appointments all over America."

And after all, at the ceremony that turned its back on Burris, Joe Biden was sworn back into his Delaware senate seat that he will give up in two weeks time when he becomes vice president. If they can swear Biden in just so he can leave, certainly Reid and his buddies can welcome Burris to his rightful – and legal – place as the junior senator from Illinois.