Note to AIG: Pretty please ain’t good enough

American International Group chief Edward Liddy told Congress yesterday that he asked his employees to return half of their controversial “retention bonuses.” Wait a second. He asked, not ordered? And just half, not all? This is the corporate equivalent of saying, “Pretty please, with sugar on it.”

And this is from the guy who also told Congress that he has “heard the American people loudly and clearly.” What a joke!

Liddy and his AIG brethren still have corporate cotton in their ears. He may be testifying on Capitol Hill, and he might be seeing the protesters with their signs screaming, “Give our $ back,” but Liddy is still surrounded by his cone of silence – paid for by American taxpayers.

The culture of corporate America is beyond sick. What is a “retention bonus” anyway? Isn’t a multi-million-dollar salary enough of a retention to stay in your job and do it well? The fact that such bonuses are considered normal should have been clue #1 that something was wrong.

Additionally, Liddy wrote a letter to Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner that such bonuses are necessary to “retain the best and the brightest talent to lead and staff the AIG business.” Is he serious? Liddy’s supposed “best and brightest” are the same people who brought AIG to the brink of bankruptcy. If these guys are the best and the brightest, bring on the worst and the dumbest.

And Liddy’s “pretty please” plea only went to those whose bonuses were over $100,000. So if your bonus is $99,999, you could keep the whole damn thing? Again, this is nonsense.

As if all that weren’t enough, Liddy is trying to make the case that he is mandated to hand out these bonuses because they are built into employee contracts. While true, those contracts would have been null and void if AIG went into bankruptcy. Ironically, it was the federal government that saved AIG’s ass. The feds should have just let AIG and its corrupt contracts fall into the ninth circle of hell, where they belong.

Speaking of the government’s ownership of AIG, President Barack Obama is right. Institutions like AIG, which is an insurance company, should be subject to the same rules as banks. Regulate, regulate, regulate!

Barney Frank is right, too. The Massachusetts Democrat who is chair of the House Financial Services Committee wants AIG to submit to Congress a list of AIGers who received bonuses. If names are not provided, he would seek to subpoena them. Since the feds own 80 percent of the company, that only seems fair.

Cough up that list, Liddy.